Archive for the ‘Andrea Blog-Post’ Category

Full of it

Monday, June 16th, 2008


Yes it is Monday night and I am still at University of Pennsylvania Hospital. I was feeling sick. Nausea and headache. So I didn’t go to the bathroom for 5 days and well had an impacted colon. Basically, I am full of “it”. I know all the jokes ha ha ha. All I can say is I am clean as a whistle. Actually, I still feel a little sick. The medicines I take are all pretty binding. So I need to take some extra meds to avoid that. It has been interesting couple of days. I realize that hospital life has become very easy for me. Easy with my roommate whom I helped take care of. Easy with medical staff who ask me an array of questions about my care. Easy to make jokes. Easy to share my desire to not be resuscitated. Easy to talk to Dr. Demichelle about what I have done to prepare for my death and my life…however long that may be. My new motto…don’t fight with reality, reality always wins. I just think it is better to deal with these things as they come and go from there. One day at a time.

If you ask me today I will tell you I am happy. Really happy. I made jokes all day. Smiling and teasing my roommate. Visiting all day with Leah. Jen came in the morning and brought me my ipod and a bagel. She came back later with Alec. Jenny Ball also stopped by to check on me. I am pretty sure they will release me tomorrow. My home is being managed by Naomi. She apparently set up a calendar for each one of my kids. It sounds efficient. See the show must go on. That’s my belief anyway. It will all go on and function without me. I have so much help. And I am so fortunate to have such loving and capable people around me. Right now I am laughing as I write this because Alec and Jen are visiting me. What a wonderful day.

My mottos have served me well. I shared some of them today. My happiness is not dictated by my situation. God is not Santa Clause. I am happy that some of my close friends have decided to come out to visit me. I think better now than later. I am trying to make the best of every day. Even these ones in the hospital.

Don’t cry

Saturday, June 14th, 2008

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Today was the gratitude party for all my helpers. We had a perfect day in the backyard oasis at Robert and Jenni’s house. Somehow I was actually able to hang in and eat and drink and enjoy the sight of my beautiful family.My mom came by the house and told me she was too sad to come. That was heart breaking. I guess I just hate the thought of hurting her, and everyone. People get tears in their eyes and I am struck with guilt. How could I do this to so many? And I know that that is not what its about. Loss and pain are inevitable. I pray for a cure for cancer so others will be spared watching their loved ones mourn.

But I am not mourning. I am still living. I talked about my puppy with my friends. I talked about natural childbirth with Holly. I talked about the kids.And really I was just happy to be there and present for everyone. I missed a few faces. Dina I got your message. Cindy had the grad party for her daughter. Gina had to wok. Ruthie was away.Leah…I wish you had been there! I love my friends. Thank you all so so much for coming out. I had intended to make a speech of some kind but my fatigue left me well…..speechless.

I have no idea what train is coming around the corner. I am just trying to live in the moment. I am not really sad. It was hard to learn that without treatment I had only weeks to live. And with treatment possibly months. I felt like I was in a dream state. But this is no dream. Honestly, I am even more aware of every moment now. I feel pretty good most of the time. When I am tired I sleep. When I have energy I engage in whatever I am up for. I do not feel worried or anxious. What more could possibly happen? Actually, I just want to finish the love letters to my kids and friends. And the letter Tamara will read at my memorial. I am giving the children all me belongings. I am so lucky that I have the ability to find closure. That is a gift.

And I guess there is nothing I can do to prevent anyone from being sad. I wish there was. Just know that I am sad to be leaving but not sad because I am going to a place of comfort and peace. I love you all and hope that I get many more days to write about this saga. To share it with you. Please do not feel guilty if we haven’t seen each other recently…I know you love me…I love you too….life is busy for us all. I will do my best to see all of you.

Thanks again to everyone who has given so much of their time and love to my family during this past year. You are a gift!!!!

The Gratitude Party

Thursday, June 12th, 2008

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We want to thank everyone who’s helped Andrea and the Family over the last year in so many different ways…

*you all helped so much you deserve a party!So please come and celebrate with us!

Where to go: 228 East Thompson St. Philly, PA 19125
Saturday, June 14th from 1-4.

*House is on the corner of Thompson and Crease, Entrance is around the Corner on Crease Street. Please come in the garden door, the white one.

Please pass this invitation on to any of Andrea’s friends, she’d love to see them!

Any ?’s (other than directions) call Naomi @ 434-409-6003 or email us @

We have!! (Look this means do not bring this)
plastic wear
shish kebab
ketchup and mustard

What we need!!! ( Bring something on this list..if you can. If you can’t than just show up)
*sliced onion and tomato and pickles ( on a tray)
* side dishes
*salad, not macaroni salad or potato from the deli that stuff is nasty
*fruit salad
*dessert. Good dessert not that ambrosia stuff
*appetizers yummy yummy
*chips and dip and guacamole
*veggie tray
*relish..we only need 2.
*we think bring your own beverage…bring water…we think we are afraid to run out

We will have a little baby pool, so bring a towel for your little one and a bathing suit

Gut feeling

Thursday, June 12th, 2008

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Ok so at this point there will be only alcohol at this party…not good. Because we have like 4 or 5 sober folk among us and I think it only fair to say they should be warned! No Lizz is going to bring me a drink the rest of you…food! We need salads and pasta. We need dessert. Dina, Not sure about peanut butter. But maybe you can change my mind. I am going to try to do bacon wrapped shrimp. Sound good. I am going to post the event details today.

On we go. Yesterday I got up at 3am and never went back to sleep. I was up for almost 24 hours actually as Clay was up until 10:30pm again! I drove Kelly to work. I had lunch here with my mom. I did mom stuff. The kids came home and we were all hot so we went to see a movie. Kung Fu Panda. Clay sat on Jesse’s lap and watched the entire thing. It was hysterical. We laughed through the whole movie. Really laughing. What fun. We just drank water so it only cost like $50. What is the deal with $10 movie tickets? Who cares, it was ice cold in there. And by the time it was over it was cooler outside.

Later when we were all together I sat the kids down and explained everything to them. All the treatment options. Status. Told them I would know more on Friday. I told them matter -of -factly. No drama. Just asked the kids to think about the reality of our situation. Asked them if they could handle another summer of me being sick on chemo? What if it doesn’t work and I “lose” that time being sick when I may have been well? We cried a little. But mostly we tried to step back and talk about the options on the table. Tuck and Bailey seemed to really want me to try chemo one last time. Asa did too but he said I should get scanned halfway through treatment and see if it is working. Jesse seemed on the fence. He and I lean toward some palliative radiation and then hospice. Kelly says baby trust your gut.

My gut. Big round gut that it is, has kept me out of trouble my entire life. I always knew when something wasn’t right. A gut feeling that I needed to leave a party. Or that someone was not who they appeared to be. A gut feeling that something was “wrong” with one of my kids. I love my gut, it has never steered me wrong. But now…no gut instinct. Not sure if I am scared to do chemo or scared to think I could improve or scared to waste my time being poisoned when I could be enjoying the last bit of health I have.

But I also have skin cancer growing across my chest as Angie had feared. Sorry Anna! And chemo could stop that. I have pain that grows daily in my back. And I have several huge lumps in my neck. I just wonder if chemo could reduce my discomfort…while at the same time making me too sick to get out of bed or care for my family. Yikes….I am spinning my wheels. When I was talking with the kids I told them one day at a time. I am here now. Really here. In the flesh. And to waste it being depressed is a shame. It is ok to be sad, or think this sucks, or cry but in the end it is still God’s plan for me and them. And I say to all of you….God is good all the time. This is still a happy ending regardless of how it ends. My happiness is not based on what is happening in my body. It comes from the joy of living in the moment and appreciating it. So be happy. I am.


Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

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My oncologist called me at 8pm last night. She is in California at a conference. She is giving lectures on her recent studies. She had my report faxed to her hotel room. This is how good my doctor is. This is how much she loves me. I didn’t call her. She doesn’t read my blog. She called and said I didn’t want you to worry until Friday. She has my cell number with her. She calls me because I am on her mind. I love Angie and trust her completely.

So she tells me what she knows. It was not a complete scan. Some things were unconfirmed. She is certain that the cancer has spread up and down my spine. There are numerous lesions. Varied (in size) and extensive (a lot). I listened to her tell me that my last mugga scan was not great (meaning my heart might not be able to handle the drug adriamycin) but she still thought we should proceed. Or we could try some radiation to the neck and spine. It would relieve the pain in my back and the discomfort in my neck. (After the radiation burns heal and the radiation fatigue wears off?) …and I reminded her that I am actually in too much pain to lay still on a table. She said they would need to get my pain under control. I said with what a tranquilizer gun…have they been hiding the really good drugs from me? Seriously are there medications stronger than heroin and oxyicontin cause that is what I get.

Back to the adriamycin…gut instinct do you really think this could work I ask. She is hesitant and careful. I say let’s talk hospice. I am feeling pretty good being off chemo. What would my “life” look like if I didn’t do anything? How long would I have? Not spending all that time getting scanned…worrying about where it has spread. Having the energy to be here now. How long might I have. She was glad to hear me say hospice, but was not able to have that conversation with me over the phone. I agreed that we should talk more on Friday. She was glad I was being so pragmatic (she may have said realistic). So I think that I have a lot to talk to her about on Friday. Kelly and I together must make this decision. I had considered trying to do rexin g in Santa Monica. My disease is spreading too fast for that. It would take months to get out there and get on medical, find a place to live, etc. I think my time is best spent here.

I didn’t cry but Angie did (my oncologist). She was sad. I was I guess but I still feel like me. Like if this is the story of my life than at least it is a good read. I am here. Today is still today. And that is fine. We will no more on Friday. We will crunch numbers. I asked her about her gut feeling…she said she doubted chemo might work..but felt like it would be awful to not “try” it. She said that it is hard to know when to stop treating, when to stop trying everything. I don’t know that I want to be that sick for 6 months and then die anyway. I have always pretty much known when to say when. I have taken a few battles too far and it has taught me how to be realistic. This one is a little harder. This decision I am making with Kelly and I think even the kids. I feel like they are old enough to help me make the decision. If they pushed for chemo I would do it. I want to hear their opinions. They are so insightful.

I will keep you all updated as things happen. I am still planning on being at the pot luck picnic on Saturday. Can somebody please bring alcohol? I may need a nice cold “drink”.

No news is not good news

Tuesday, June 10th, 2008

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Today is Tuesday. I had hoped to hear something from my doctor today. Instead what I heard was a series of calls.Jen the nurse practitioner said they did get some results but she could not give them to me. Angie is away and the report is not ready. Then a call from Betsy the scheduler…. “you need to come in Friday at 9:30am and meet with Angie to review the reports from your scans, she won’t do anything over the phone.” How can that be good? More…she calls and says I need a mugga scan ( checks your heart) in case she wants to start you on adriamycin on Friday. I call her back and remind her that I had one about 6 weeks ago. More bad news. Betsy calls again and tells me Angie may want to redo the scans but they can give me no medication. They will break it up into several scans.

I am crying. But I am a mom. So I stop. And Gina and I take my boys to Best Buy. They bring all their gift cards. We get the wireless card for their computer. And ipods.We had enough for everyone to get ipods. We paid for everything with gift cards. I think this is hysterical. We get my favorite chick fil a nuggets.We are in Gina’s air conditioned car. We get back to the house and Jeeter (my ex) has successfully fixed all my circuit breakers. Our air conditioner can now run without shutting down the electricity in the house. We took the baby and Bailey to Target. I buy the boys and Kelly underwear and undershirts. I am a mom. This is relaxing to me. This is what I do. I am making sure they have the essentials. This is how I refocus my energy. No need to cry. Plenty of time for that later.

Bailey went to her Penn Charter test and said it was easy. So I am a mom. And I have no time to mourn a bad scan. Or a short life. Or anything else. I am here now and the kids need to be taken care of. And that’s what I do. I called Kelly and he choked back tears and repeatedly uttered I am sorry baby. He and I have a lot of talking to do. I don’t know what I want. I guess I want to know what is going on before I decide to spend six months doing more chemo. Don’t leave those keep fighting comments because I am. And I have had no response to any chemo. I have my doubts that I will respond to this one either. And I am not jumping to conclusions. Her scheduler already eluded to the fact she intends to put me on adriamycin. So that’s the only information I have until Friday morning. Kelly and I need to spend some time alone. If you are up to babysitting on Friday or Saturday night give me a call. We need to work through everything. I am thankful for your support and prayers.

I don’t like Mondays

Tuesday, June 10th, 2008

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Where do I begin. Monday started off normal enough. I woke up at 5am and took care of more poop before 7am than a zoo keeper. Anyway, it was hot I needed to take a shower. Kelly had to wake up and help.He is not a morning person. Or a 97 degrees person. He rose from his slumber with curses hurdled in my direction. Oh marriage…so sweet. He was quickly over it and settled into watching a movie with Clay. I showered and went to pilates. Everything there went well. It felt good to work out. I came home and Erin had taken Clayton to Target because it is air conditioned. They were gone long enough for me to change and wash my sweaty face and walk the puppy on the shady side of the house. When they returned I tried to get Clay to take a nap. It was taking forever when Erin appeared in the door. Sheena was here…shaking…a tire iron flew off the back of the truck in front of her on I95. It went through her passenger side window and covered her in glass. It was a miracle she did not lose control of the car. Or that windshield did not shatter completely or even that it did not harm her. Sheena got to my house and called triple A, her husband Don, and a cab for me. The cab was waiting when I came out of the bedroom. I was trying to process what had happened to Sheena before leaving for my scan. Life as a collision course we are all driving 90 miles an hour towards our death.

I had a 2pm appointment. I know everyone in the imaging center. They like me. And I still did not start until 4pm. After being accessed and taking my pain medicine, I waited and waited for them to be ready for me. I got in the tube and was instantly struck by pain. In my shoulder and sciatic nerve. I could not lay on the hard plastic tray without moving. I kept shifting. After 20 minutes I was beginning to weep. I stayed in for 5 more minutes and pushed the bell. I explained I was in pain. I could not do this. We tried altering things with towels to make me more comfortable. The pain grew worse. It was 4:45. I could not take any of my medication. It was a 2 hour study! “No, I will have to reschedule” I said. As I redressed I looked at myself in the mirror. The swollen node in the front of my neck looks bigger everyday. My pain grows more intense. What is going on? The cab driver, the intake girl Beth, and the Russian lady Irina( MRI tech) all said, “You’re going to be fine…you look good…don’t give up hope..” Beth and Irina remember me from other visits to HUP. How hard it is to say,”Actually I am not kicking cancer’s ass. I am not getting better. I have more cancer every time they scan me.” People want to hear good news. Seriously, the disappointment is hard to watch and hear. My plan as of now is to try to reschedule the MRI under some kind of anesthesia. People do it everyday. It is my only chance I think of doing it all the way through.

I came home to find that at 5:15 Clayton was sleeping (not good). Tamara bought us a brand new air conditioner (very good). And my kids were miserable from the heat. Megan had driven me home from the hospital so we sat around in the ac and I woke Clay from his nap before it got too late. Megan left to feed her sweaty kids.The older boys had “homework” to do. They opted to watch the puppy and I took my other four kids to Lhianna’s. They swam. Clarence grilled some meat we brought. I sat in a chair. Dazed,confused,conflicted and sore. I tried to focus my energy on Clay who was naked in my lap. Or Mahlon who is just a few weeks old. I watched my older kids splash in the pool. And as so frequently the case I found myself floating away from everything going on around me. A distinct feeling that I was not even there just floating around my own life. This started last year when I was diagnosed. The last time I had the sensation was at the the benefit for me at the Mexican Post. I felt like I was not even in the room. Is this a disorder?

In the late evening Clay fought sleep until after 11pm. So did the puppy who slept until 11pm. Kelly and Jesse took care of the puppy I slept in the air conditioning with Bailey,Clay,LeeLee (our lab) and eventually Kelly and the puppy. I think Kelly had a hard time getting to sleep. I am taking this opportunity while my night owls are still snoozing to catch you up. Bailey is at Penn Charter taking her test. I am going someplace air conditioned with Gina who says she can’t take the heat. I am going to try to not freak out as I go hurling toward death at 90 miles per hour.

Sweating it out

Sunday, June 8th, 2008

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I wrote a blog earlier. It took me like an hour. I loved it. I pushed the publish button and it disappeared. So here I am again in my hot room, sweaty as all get out trying to tell you what is on my mind.Yesterday, we went to see Kooza. The new Cirque Du Soliel show. My friend Jen…not Jenni our nanny…no, not Jenni who is having the party on the 14th…not Jenni Bender from church…Jen 21, so named because she was 21 when I met her and I needed to keep the Jen’s straight. Anyway, yesterday was her 26th birthday. As a present to her her father bought all 7 of us and Jen tickets to the show. Not just any tickets. VIP parking, access to the special tapas lunch inside the air conditioned tent, intermission dessert with a chocolate fountain, and 3rd row center stage seats. We were all in awe. It was like a 100 degrees outside but very comfortable in the tents. The show itself was breathtaking. Bailey and I whispered back and forth about the costumes and make up. The acts were old circus type performances but like on steroids. Very exciting! Trapeze artists, contortionists, and what can only be described as the wheel of death. We all loved the show and had a wonderful time. We got programs and photos to commemorate the event (came w/our vip tix).

While we were there Jen told me that her father had lost his mother when he was 8. She told me how he has all the monks at his Buddhist temple pray for me. I was so moved by his story, and his generosity. I have never even met him and he has on other occasions blessed us in absentia. I find that these blessings happen often. People are always doing these unexpected good things for us. I know sometimes people say “Why me?” When they get sick…more often I say why me when people go to such lengths to help take care of our family. It is so totally heart warming that it often moves me to tears. The love that flows in our direction is awesome. My friends and even strangers are so completely generous with their time and support. All kinds of support. If you are reading this and you pray for me that is support. I think that my gratitude can not even be explained in words. Especially not in a simple thank you. I am so absolutely in love with you all for being present and engaged in the mist of this tragedy….well sometimes it is a comedy.

The mental and emotional energy right now is being spent on living totally in this moment. I know that if I allow myself to think too much about my upcoming scans and their results I may get bogged down with unnecessary stress. Today is just today. A very hot day with no air conditioning. The two we had are broken or inadequate. So we are sweaty. Good thing because it seems to make my little brain shut off. It makes me less anxious. I am really not a fan of this heat though. Neither is Kelly. We’ll adjust I hope.

So I have an MRI tomorrow at 2pm. It is of my entire spine and pelvis. My doctor thinks I may have more cancer in my spine which is resulting in all that pain in my back. She may be right. I don’t know. My gut instinct is no. But I may be wrong. I know that I have a new swollen node in my neck in the front. It makes me look like I have a huge double chin. It “popped” up overnight. It is hard like all the other ones. I have no idea what this means or what my “next move” will be. I am trying to just take this step by step.Reading and researching my options. It seems like people fighting this battle always want to tell me what works for them. So far nothing has worked for me. I am hormone positive and Her2 -. So I can’t get herceptin. I am already on the hormone blocker femara.So far none of the 6 chemo drugs I have been on work. I guess I will find out what we are going to do after my tests. My ct scan is Thursday. Dr. Demichelle and I are going to discuss everything on Friday. Comparing the size of things from the last scan. One day at a time. I am feeling much better about everything actually. I have a lot of peace about the cancer part of my life. Sometimes it is the life stuff I find tough.

I am starting to feel my way through a lot of what is happening. I am pretty into just doing the next thing. Tomorrow I have pilates in the morning. I have the scan in the afternoon. I am going with Sheena. I will enjoy her company. I think we are going to see Lhianna tomorrow night and swim at their house. Our summer retreat. No need to worry right now. I’ll worry another day. It is too hot sweat the small stuff.

High Anxiety

Thursday, June 5th, 2008

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A long week and it is only Thursday. I met with the admissions director from Penn Charter and found him to be kind and sympathetic. What I was not fully prepared for however was the quickness that paperwork, financial aid forms, and testing would need to happen in order for Bailey to attend school there next year. I began to feel the pressure/anxiety that accompanies this kind of life stuff. Everything sounds good in theory but then I found myself on line trying to complete financial aid information and having it erase my data repeatedly. Attempts to discuss it with the independent organization that they use were totally unhelpful. I am sick to my stomach. Then I could not get Bailey tested by the deadline they had asked for. Today I called Dr. Bonnie back. I stalked him actually. We talked for a bit about the situation. I said tell me what you want me to do. He decided to give Bailey a test right there at the school.It will last 2 and a 1/2 hours on Tuesday of next week. And her dad is taking her for me. I called him and just said I can’t do all this stuff. It is too much. And he said then don’t, tell me what you need. It was a bit of a relief. He picked up the old fashioned financial aid forms for me and will send them snail mail tomorrow. I feel certain that after they find out we have no boat, r.v., money market accounts, life insurance, and have about $50 in my checking account that the “need” issue will be recognized. Honestly, that part of it seemed prefunctionary . Dr. Bonnie knows we have nothing. My only prayer for my kids is to put them in academically small and caring environments. Ones in which their emotional needs will be met. I can not imagine how hard it must be to be a child and have to perform at school and not be thinking about what is going on at home. I think it is my children and my desire to protect them that has kept me fighting through all this cancer crap.

Today my oncologist was knee deep in patients and she had no time to talk about my tattoo. Even though Anna was there. Anna just asked her the right question as she left the room and Angie was able to tell us that an entire section could not be tattooed over. No, my port was never coming out and the area where the tubes are must not be touched either.Good to know. Anna was totally unphased. We will just re-work it no problem. Angie voiced her concerns about the tattoo. Mostly that to her it seems the skin cancer is getting worse and typically it will spread across the entire chest if that is what is happening. She said she did not want me to be healing a tattoo that will become covered in skin cancer. She repeatedly mentioned radiation. She decided that I need a MRI of my entire spine. All of it. That will be this Monday at 2pm. And I will still get my ct scan on Thursday. Results over the phone on Friday the 13th. Good thing I am not superstitious. But it did make me even more anxious. For what? I mean I am used to the bad news. I am pretty into living in the moment.Abandoning hope and fear and expectations. But I hear “scan” and panic. The sick rises in my belly and I shake. Then I frantically clean the house until I can breath again. Cancer cancer go away and don’t come back another day.

Kelly says I took a little good news and just ran too far with it. The puppy. The tattoo. Kelly feels like I just had this lapse in reality. Like, “oh yeah I am going to live for awhile.” That of course is his hope. And he likes to follow me to the magical land of frivolity. I am going to be here forever! He comes along for the ride. And then we get more bad news and I sulk. Or freak out for a minute. It’s like “Holy crap! What can I do to stop this charging rhino of a disease?” Really tell me. I get every alternative healing I know of. I am totally trying to hold onto the moment and not get caught up in negative thinking. Right now…is right now. And I have no idea what is happening inside or outside my body. And maybe the scans will show more cancer. Maybe less. Today I am here. Today I am in love with my husband, children, and doggies. What more can I do?

But the anxiousness persists. My children are graduating.Alec from high school and the twins from 8th grade. Those events are coming up. As well as a gratitude get together the weekend after next. The more things that are put on the calendar the more my stomach twists. Tomorrow is acupuncture. I needed to get a Philly carshare and make sure Ruthie was up for bringing Clay with us. My stomach twists. No, there are none close by. “Ruthie,Will you bike to the car, lock up your bike and drive the car to my house?” She says yes, no problem.Crazy Ruthie she loves me too much. But if I don’t get those damn needles in me soon I am going to die. The pain is so bad in my shoulder and sciatica. Cancer stupid cancer. This is my crazy life. A puppy that needs a walk every two hours. A toddler that bites my dining room table. Appointments on the same day as high school graduations. What I want is tea and a place to meditate. I love my life…I love my life…I love my life.

Are you stressed out just reading this? You should see my calendar! Out of control. I hope I get to sleep when I am dead. In heaven, whatever. I hope I have nothing to do. When I filled out the financial aid forms it said that every line must be filled in. So it asked for my occupation. And the only thing I could think of was cancer patient. It is a full time job by the way. Then it asked for my employer.I wrote God.

Bad Luck 13

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

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I thought I would finally publish my top ten list. Irreverent as it may be. But I am not too good at reverence. And cancer is so damn serious it is hard to find the ability to laugh…well in the face of death. But that is what I decided to do.

Top 10 reasons why it is good to have cancer

1. No need to pay back my student loans
2. Access to awesome pain relieving narcotics no questions asked excuse to smoke pot excuse to lie around.
5.i was trying to lose weight anyway
6.cancer card- never be expected to do “too much” ever again
7.see everyone you ever knew…they will all wish you well and be happy to see you
8. no need to shave my legs or wax my……
9.access to really cool free stuff…cancer yoga, cancer survivor parties, free therapy, nearly free acupuncture. Awesome!
10. I can say anything and blame it on the medication

I promised you a top ten list a long time ago. This may be the one I stick with.Although I have changed it from time to time. My friend, Stella says she has one too but I haven’t seen it yet. It is far easier to look at the negatives and what cancer takes away or the misery it causes than the hilarity of an unplanned life.But from the beginning I chose to look on the bright side. It has been difficult at times but in the end it has made me feel light and joyful despite my circumstances. Other things on my top 10 list would have been…honorary degree in medicine ( because you need a medical degree to understand cancer treatment.)….an excuse to blog without appearing self involved… is impossible for my husband to say no to me! Hence the puppy. SO that is 13 and I like 13 more than 10 anyway.