Poisoned Girl


This round of chemo was a bit harder than the last two. It’s difficult to say whether it was because of the introduction of a new medication or the cumulative effect of treatment thus far. In either case, I was down and out for a full 10 days. I had an array of intense symptoms. Most of the time I actually was either too sick or too tired to really do anything. Quality of life.. what life. I knew going into this that chemo would not be easy. But its really kicking my butt.

The lupron sent me on an emotional roller coaster. When I wasn’t sleeping or disoriented, I was a raving lunatic. I felt like someone badly in need of a 12 step program. I hate to be this honest. I like acting like I am a f***ing warrior. Not true. I am a baby when I am sick. People say I am strong. No way. I think my friends and family are strong. I am resting on you. You keep up my spirits and help me with meals and childcare. Thanks to all of you I can get through this. I really know that there are days where I am being carried with your help. I love you all so much. Thanks for moving to Fishtown and bringing over rice cookers. Or returning things to Target or hanging out all day with Clayton. Or rearranging my kitchen cabinets. Or taking my dog to the vet. I am not strong. I am just blessed, which allows me to at times be very weak.
I got acupuncture today. And it really made a difference almost immediately. The clinic director at the Won Institute( Ed) gave me treatment today. First I got 12 needles in my back. Ed said that he waits for the area that is really raised to get really small. The points correlate with my organs. Liver, kidneys,heart,lungs etc. I started feeling better real soon after their placement. Then when that was done I got 6 in my ear which made me laugh uncontrollably. And several in my stomach which did not make me laugh. I felt a lot of emotional changes this time as opposed to physical. Which was really awesome. I knew I really felt better when my stomach started to growl and I actually became hungry. A feeling that I have not had in days. I left feeling really healed. It was wonderful to be able to eat lunch and dinner and not feel sick or exhausted. Thank you to everyone at the Won Institute. Especially Ed and Doreen. I am so lucky to have found you.

I am going to try really hard to enjoy tomorrow as much as I enjoyed today. I am going to try to forget how much time I lost and concentrate on all the good things that are to come. Saturday we are going to sit in Rittenhouse Square for awhile. Sunday is the benefit and I will get to see all my favorite people ( the ones that don’t live here). I have plans to spend time with a few of you next week. And I get to have a petscan and catcan on Wednesday! Oh goody. For those of you who are not familiar with these tests or my reactions to them check out an old entry called What you again? Or don’t and I will reuse all the same jokes. In case you are wondering, the tests are to assess how responsive my cancer is to my chemotherapy. I am praying for very responsive feel free to join in on that.

I hope to see you all Sunday. Thanks again to everyone who has put that together. All the great bands and people/businesses who donated gift certificates. And especially my lovely Becky Vomit. You are the best. Rock on! I know I will.

One Response to “Poisoned Girl”

  1. Ed says:

    It was great to meet you on Friday, although I wish had been under more favorable circumstances. I can see how this supportive community has sprung up around you. You really do have a light in you and everyone around you can feel and see the glow. I can see that you are not so much fighting as learning to walk with it. You are an inspiration……..Ed