What else?

mommyandclay.jpg

I haven’t wanted to blog lately. I fell like unless I am happy I have nothing to say. I am not unhappy.I just feel like there is a lot going on. Some of it makes me feel sad or overwhelmed. Some of it gives me hope. But if you really want to know what is going on I will talk about some of it here. But it will likely be somewhat disjointed.

I was upset with my oncologist’s choice of tactics in fighting my stage 4 cancer. I was very angry at myself for being foolish in thinking you can just choose a doctor because you like them. I had the best doctor in this area look at my case. And then I switched to her. She has had a lot more IBC patients. I am sad about the switch in some ways because I was/am very attached to all the people at Pennsylvania Hospital. But I can’t stay because I love them. I have to leave because I love me. Rob’s friend Katie sent me an email that said, “I know a lot of women who stayed with doctors they liked…they’re all dead now.” I think that says it all. Dr. Demichelle’s approach was very different. Chemo wise right now it would be the same but after that not at all. I don’t want to get super technical so I will just say that I felt I liked her plan better based on what I was reading and learning from other IBC patients from across the country.

I had an MRI of both my breasts done last week. I fell asleep. Sound asleep. I love that thing. Anyway, the technincian gave me a cd of the scans. So if any of you want to read them for me awesome. Otherwise I find out the results on Thursday. Oh and I need a ride to that appointment. Its at HUP in West Philly @1pm. Any takers?

The twins are home but I feel like I have barely seen them since our lives are so freakin busy! We are all in and out of the house all day long. I think it’s so funny. And sad probaly too. The twins had an amazing summer with Naomi and her family in Va. They seem really strong emotionally and look very fit. I had to tell them I was stage 4 when they came back. They were sad but handled it very well. I think the main thing is just expressing the things that I express in the blog which is that life is unpredictable and no one knows what the future holds. We just need to live for today. It is lovely to have them home. My house is loud and full again. I am looking forward to the last month before school to hang out and play together. I love my kids.

I had a bunch of anxiety dreams this morning. One where my estranged father showed up at my house. This dream made me feel sick as I want nothing to do with him or his wife. It is hard to explain but I feel like I can forgive them for anything bad they ever did to me, but I do not need to be their doormat to prove it. In the other dream, I missed being on the radio with Dr. Dan because I went to a doctors appointment and forgot about the radio show. Anxiety. A lovely emotion. Messing up my sleep. I woke up and prayed for a really long time. I still feel anxious. Maybe if you pray for me too that would help.

I have decided to go to California to meet with the people doing a clinical trial of Rexin G. If I get into the trial I will need to live in Santa Monica for a year. I will bring Jesse and Clay with me. I will discuss this in long extensive detail IF I get into the study. There is no sense in getting all excited yet. If you have family or close friends there I may need your help. Or if you or a close friend work for the airlines, I may need some super cheap airfare. One day at a time. Right? I am leaving on September 4th, and our meeting is on The 5th. Please if you love me pray I get in. This would be huge! And yes the kids know. We have talked to all of them and they all said go for it. They want me to get better. And they all seem prepared to make the sacrifice.

Ori says it has been a rough summer all around. People have been experiencing a lot of challenges. Illness,death,surgery,break ups, job loss, business problems,ex-problems. I know there does seem to a universal heaviness among my friends and family. Let’s all take a collective deep breath and try to relax. Hard to do. Let’s go. Come on in and out. Its going to be ok. We can do this. Good things are right up ahead. Today we are all here together. We have friends and family that love us. It is all going to work out. On days like this meditation and prayer make all the difference. I just need to remind myself that God has a plan and it can and will work out.

Love you all. Andrea

7 Responses to “What else?”


  1. Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/jono0379/public_html/olshefski.org/punkrockmommy/blog/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524
    Larue Miller says:

    I have been reading your blogs almost daily. My daughter Erin works for Amy at Delicious-she makes the corsets. Erin is how I found out about you & your battle. I am contantly amazed by what I read. You are such a strong person, but you tell it like it is. I appreciate that. I wanted to let you know that I put you on our prayer list at our church and last Sunday-Aug. 5th, we had a healing service for intercessory healing. I lifted you up for healing & I was annointed with oil on your behalf. We’re having healing services every Sunday in August, so again today I lifted you up. Some people think it’s selfish to pray for healing, we should just pray for God’s will to be done, but I firmly believe in prayer for healing, sometimes God needs some help in knowing how strongly we need certain people to continue their lives. I believe you are touching many people through this blog-I’m an example of that. I’m a 50+ woman living in Allentown who wouldn’t know of you or the battle you’re waging against IBC. When I first mentioned you at church, many women asked about the type of breast cancer you have and how it was discovered. I really knew nothing about it, but you have educated me and I have tried to pass that along. My mother-in-law has had breast cancer which resulted in a mastectomy, so I think that’s why my daughter Erin tuned in to your plight and told me. We know about the “regular” breast cancer, but not about IBC. I work for Lehigh Valley Hospital and used to work at their Cancer Center. I’m not a medical person, but I saw most of the patients who came in for radiation and also the patients who came in for chemo and assorted treatments. It really can take a toll on you when you see someone for a long time and suddenly they no longer come in on a daily or weekly basis. I couldn’t imagine being the patient or their loved one trying to do whatever needs to be done, knowing what decisions to make, trying to find a doctor who will listen to them, etc… I know you need to be your own advocate, but it must get so tiring some times. I just wanted to let you know that you are prayed for and thought about on a daily basis. God Bless you!

  2. Mo Hayes says:

    Hey babe, Its rare that I get a chance to be online but for some reason if I get on the computer this early I can steal internet at my house. And I just wanted to say that that last paragraph was really good. Like, I really needed that, thank you for saying it. Anyway, I’m going to try and go bed, I have a very busy week ahead of me. It was so so good to talk to you the other day and I hope I can get everything all sorted out and come see you soon! I will call. Sooner than later. I’m always thinking about you, promise. Love love love, mo

  3. glenn bogue says:

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    I heard you on NPR. Your position on diet as a possible cure for your condition is not correct, for two reasons:

    1. Harvard’s school of Environmental Medicine has determined that genes are not the cause of our illnesses, but are merely responding to things that enter the body through the mouth and nose.

    2. America’s premiere cardiologist of the past century, and the author of the main text on physiology back in the 1960’s PROVED that the cooking of the proteins of animals including fowl will shut off oxygen in the stomach, BREAST, uterus and prostate, creating the only environment in which cancer can grow.

    A book called the Cancer Battle Plan was written in the 1980’s by a woman who had only several weeks to live (after drugs and surgery). She educated herself on the “enemy” and five weeks later was cancer free.

    I have seen rare terminal cancer REVERSED in Bensalem (hairy cell leukemia). That victim was given months to live and today is alive and cancer free ten years later.

    Please contact me if you are open to re-examining what you have been putting in your mouth as a cause for your condition. FYI, I am a Catholic father of five children, the youngest of whom almost died in th ER of Bryn Mawr hospital because I was ignorant
    about diet and disease (but so were my RN wife and the pediatrician).

  4. Jenn says:

    I heard you today on Dan’s show and I wanted to go back to the concepts of bravery and strength. We all need heroes and I know that you and Dan probably don’t want to fill that role, it seems to me like it would be a burden.

    But I think there are two important things that we can see through those words: 1) They come out of the helplessness of the being an observer and 2) more importantly: is the recognition that you are an inspiration to us…we all have fears, I live with fears everyday…what is going to happen to me, how would I live with cancer, how could I cope with a serious car injury, what would I do with the thought of my children growing up without me?

    Observing the strength and courage that you and Dan have every day is a way of recognizing and thanking you for helping the rest of us through life and giving us the tools we need to cope with our own darkest fears.

    It shows strength of character to embrace life in the way you both have…to dedicate yourselves to others instead of getting caught up in your own loss.

    Thank you for that!

    Jenn (Laurelin’s friend from NJ)

  5. Vernon Tanguay says:

    I just heard a program on NPR and I am wondering if you were the guest today with Dr. Dan Gotlieb. Anyway…when Dan mentioned Punk Rock Mommy….it caught my attention. My favorite band of all time is The Clash.

    If I were you…and we all know the pharm industry will never find a cure for cancer as there is no profit in a cure plus keep in mind there is not one drug that cures anything…I would stop the chemo therapies and head off to see a Homeopathic doctor. There is a good one in Havertown area…Dr. Wiley.

    You are in my prayers!

    Vernon

  6. Sarah Kiesel (Barnes) says:

    Dearest Andrea

    I listened intently as you spoke on NPR today…We haven’t seen each other in a few moons yet when my husband heard you speaking he knew immediately it was you ( I speak proudly about you as a mother and as an old friend). We listened as we drove thru the countryside on a delivery…And now here I am on your website that is blowing my mind! Yet then again your strength and confidence in who you are as a mother and wife and lover of life always humbled me and it is these qualities that are overwhelmingly apparent in how you spoke on the show and in the blogs you keep….So here I am now writing to you, thanking you for staying strong, for you truly are a blessing…………..Much love to all Sarah

    PS Please call when you don’t feel like cooking. I would be delighted to endeavour……….

  7. jenni bender says:

    andrea, can i just say that i love you so so so much??? i do. so much. i am so blessed that you are in my life. strength, bravery, all that stuff is true, but more so, you just inspire me so much, as a friend, as a mother, a wife, a christian. you are just such a lovely wonderful woman. i learn something new every time i read this. i grow spiritually from knowing you. for that i can’t say thank you enough.

    i of course will continue to pray and pray… california, of course, results from your mri, definitely, all of the happiness, peace, love and health this world has to offer, you got it.

    i listened to you on the radio while i was at work. you put a smile on my face.

    i’d love to see you, anytime you’re up for it, let me know.

    and as always… i am always here for you and kelly and your kids, i love you all so very much.

    okay… sorry if i’m so sappy, but i can’t help it.

    you know, my dad has been having a really rough time lately, he’s been sick all weekend and is feeling pretty hopeless at times. i will say this, you have given me something, that i cannot thank you enough for. this is a time in my famlys life where this is a struggle and it’s scary and from knowing you and learning so much, i have a different disposition. i feel more hopeful at times and educated (clearly not that its the same kind of cancer, but you know what i mean). you have given me a little extra strength at a time when that just means the world to me.

    i know you reach a ton of people from this blog, i know they are all getting something different from this, but i think it’s remarkable and such a gift.

    blah blah blah blah, i can’t stop talking.. ha. i love you lady. xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo