Today is Monday. I have been sleeping almost non stop since Friday. I went out to the fund raiser on Saturday. It was a lot of fun. Needles was awesome calling bingo. He would slur… “b4″  ” I was drunk b4 I got here” Or … “I 21…that’s what she said to get in the bar…I 21”. Well Ruthie and I were hysterical. I think Rob was too. There were not that many people there. A lot of people don’t seem to find out about these things until after. That’s a shame because they are super fun.

I really appreciate all the people that work hard to help our family out. At this time things are hard since Kelly can not work more than 3-4 days a week. I am not well enough to watch Clay full time while undergoing chemo. If I do not get into the study I am facing a double mastectomy, twice a day radiation, and a year of hormone therapy. If I do get in I will be in California for up to a year with the baby and Jesse. Anyway you slice it – all the help is both a God send and a necessity. Personally, I do not expect anything from anyone. It is always truly moving to me when my friends go above and beyond and organize and attend these events. It means a lot to me that people are willing to help us out so consistently with meals,childcare, and rides. I know I say thank you all the time… but it truly moves me to be loved by you.

As far as today goes…I have had better. My fingers and toes are now almost all numb. My eyelids twitch and my eyes are shaking in their sockets. I am exhausted and feeling very out of it. I tried to read today. That was funny because I read the same sentence three times. I am not even sure how I am doing this typing. Thank God for spell check. I am trying to enjoy the day…but my teenagers ( all of them) are on my last nerve. They refuse to listen or help. And they ate an entire tray of brownies and all claim to not have eaten them. I am so tired. And they have an endless ability to annoy me and avoid doing anything I ask.

Almost without exception everything is very normal. The new normal. Because the old normal did not include the symptoms of chemotherapy and praying to get into clinical trials. I am looking forward to going out to Santa Monica. I leave next Tuesday very early. Some people have volunteered to help out with the kids while I am gone. What I really need is someone to help kick them in the butt and make them do their summer – school work…you know like book reports and college applications. Today is hard so I am really focusing on what tomorrow has to offer. Hopefully, some relief from chemo coma…chemo brain…shaky eyes …and crabby teens.

Peace Andrea

4 Responses to “”

  1. jenni bender says:

    andrea, it’s been a little while since i wrote or have gotten to talk to you. i’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough day. i will pray that tomorrow is better. you are definitely always in my prayers, as is your trip to cali, your kids and kelly. i love you all. when you are feeling up to, i’d love to see you. not sure if you have time before you leave, and of course, if you need anything at all, please let me know. i love you dear. xooxooxxo

  2. ruthie says:

    I had such a blast at Bingo!! shame on all of you who missed it, cause it was absolutely fantastic. You are in my thoughts as always, and I hope that today is better. You know that I am here for anything you need, and I am looking forward to hanging out with Bailey next week. I can help with school stuff too, since I have spent my entire life in school (and I intend on spending the rest of it there) and – I’ve been helping my 20 year old nephew manage his college career since he started. I love you.

  3. Wendy says:

    Everyone loves pushing boundaries just to see how far they will get. I would say particularly teenagers but then I find myself saying, “particularly 2 year olds, 3 year olds, 4 year olds, 36 year olds…”

    Wish I could be there to help out with Clay. Praying for you. – Wendy

  4. Larue says:

    I guess you can say things are “normal”-at least where the kids are concerned. I’m praying for you and them to be nice to each other. Who knows what goes on in their minds, they probably don’t think their doing anything wrong or whatever (times like this make you see how animal mothers sometimes eat their young)!
    All of you will be in my prayers as you travel to Santa Monica. How long will you be there and how soon will you know if you qualify for the trial?
    Stay strong,stay focused and remember HE holds you in the palm of HIS hand.AMEN