The other night I read a comment from a lovely woman who took the time to share about her cancer struggle on my blog. This happens often. I know several people who read the blog who have some form of cancer. Some have IBC and some had breast cancer years ago. The comment brought tears to my eyes. Kelly said, “what’s with you cancer people?” What is with us? We are like some big club. A fight club. The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club. Here I go breaking rules.
So in this club you can look at someone and know something about their struggle. Their fight. It is personal. We are fighting for our lives. We are just trying to get through the day sick and tired. Or nauseous and in pain. Maybe we are fighting to remember. We are trying to get through the appointments. The surgeries. The radiation. We may be fighting big HMO’s. Or just fighting to stay alive. It is an often emotional and bloody battle. Some of us win and some of us do not. We band together and nod in solidarity at each others struggle. We are a brotherhood or sisterhood of people with nothing and everything in common.
We know about the pain in a loved ones eyes. The way people pull away. The way others stand firm. We know how to walk on the edge..we allow ourselves to be poisoned. We fly off the handle because of steroids and hormones. We are prone to tears. We spend sleepless nights praying for God to heal us. We are fighters weakened by an invisible enemy.
Today I sat with my friend Kristine while she got chemo. I have never been on the other side of this. We talked about my upcoming surgery and her treatment as well. We talked about our relationships. We cried. She talked about how strong Ryan is to stand by her. I talked about how having cancer makes we want Kelly to go away. She knows and understands this pain I am in. Watching this man who loves me get hurt. She does not need a long explanation about anything. She is in fight club. We share a bond.
It is a club no one wants to be a member of. I really do not wish this on anyone. But I am here. And some of you reading are too. And now the gloves are on and we are left with no choice.We chose to fight. Today I want to kick cancer’s ass. Today I want to prove all those shitty statistics wrong and live a really long time.
Sometimes people feel like fighting with me. People not in my club. They try to help and understand. They are cancer people too. Their lives are changed as well. Next week begins breast cancer awareness month. My friend Shayna has been training for 3 months. She has faithfully walked mile upon mile through the summer’s heat waves to prepare for the Susan G. Komen 3 day walk in honor of her mother and I. She has only $300 left to raise. If you can spare even $10 it would help raise money for a very worthy cause, breast cancer research. Here is the link. God bless the warriors. http://www.the3day.org/philadelphia07/shayna.
i just really wanted to say i love you. very much.
Kick ass.