It is what it is


On another note, a woman who works for me told her mom about your blog/cancer and she told her friend who realized she had never done a self breast exam….. Well, she did one, found a lump, it was cancer (little-lump-cancer) and she’s having it removed. Anyway, thanks to you, the word is getting out there and you are raising awareness and helping women to seek help. Who knows how long this woman would have gone or what the final straw would have been to get her to the doctor. Thank you for being you and positively affecting the world.

Love, Amy

I thought the idea of doing a blog was silly. In all honesty my initial weeks of writing this stuff down was so that people would stop calling me. But when I read this today I cried. I have said from the beginning that I believe that God has a plan. That maybe this plan includes me living maybe not.But that is not the point…the point is that this experience is changing me and everyone I know. We are all learning how to navigate the waters of medicine and procedures. I share these things so my loved ones will understand what is happening to me.I also have hoped from the beginning that it would encourage other women to pay attention to their bodies.To be aware of symptoms and changes in their breasts. And not to ignore pain or lumps. I often wish that I had been told about IBC when I was a nursing mom.

But I was talking about God’s plan. And so here is an example of the plan. I write a blog and people talk about it and a woman has been spared stage 4 cancer ( hopefully). That’s good stuff. Honestly, I do not always feel positive about God “using” me in this way, but I know it is how it is supposed to be. I wish sometimes that He could have chosen someone else but at the end of the day I know that it just was supposed to be me. I know a lot of people. I am outspoken. I guess that’s why its me.

Sometimes it is hard to say these things out loud or write them down for others to read. I may sound like a zealot. These are my beliefs. I am very comforted by the idea of God using us to work in each other’s lives. I believe there is a reason for everything. And I believe that we are not meant to cling to this life. I am not afraid of what is happening inside my body. I will either respond to treatment or not. I am sometimes afraid of the pain the treatments cause me. But I am not in fear of whether I live or die. Because my future is set.I honestly feel that there is a reason for all of this to be happening. Today the reason is that Amy’s friends’ mom checked her breasts and found a lump…that’s a good enough plan for me.

3 Responses to “It is what it is”

  1. Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/jono0379/public_html/ on line 524
    Ed says:

    I’m glad you can be so open hearted about God using you the way she does. I’m sure I’d have a few choice words to say myself. But then again you are you and I am not. See you Thursday….Ed

  2. Heather says:

    Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/jono0379/public_html/ on line 524

    You may not feel strong or like yourself, but you are a hero. Not in the flying stopping bullets with your eyeball, lasso of truth way, but in a real, honest, life saving, giving the rest of us hope and showing us we can care about someone we’ve never even met kind of way. You are bringing out the humanity in many of us. We read your fears and your trial and your triumphs, and about your family and we laugh with you and cry with you and feel some of the emotional hurt you have. That is being a real hero.
    I bet if someone asked your kids who their hero was, you would hear your name come out of their mouth. It would surely be coming from mine.

    I want to take some of your pain away, some of your frustration, to do everything I can to help you and your family, but from so far away, it’s really hard.
    We’re having a benefit for you in March-ish, so maybe that will help a little if nothing else, maybe it can take you guys out to dinner or a movie, so you can have family time when mom is feeling a little better.
    You’re always in my thoughts!

  3. joshua says:

    Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/jono0379/public_html/ on line 524

    great story. blogging is kind of funny. i’m glad that you do, though.