Chemotional

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Thursday was chemo day. And really it was rather uneventful. They increased my dose slightly. I felt a bit nauseous, but not that bad. Afterwards I went to see my pastor. We ate lunch and talked up a lot of different things. My kids. His kids. Life stuff. Church stuff. I found myself tearing up/crying. Sometimes it is hard to hold back emotions after chemo. They are right on the surface. For better or worse. I cried during chemo too. Everything seemed very overwhelming. This is not really my style. I am usually pretty happy and easy going about chemo. I like to be in a good mood. Make other people happy. Thursday was a challenge.

But I did not really cry for me. I was moved by things that are happening to others. My friend Jenni’s dad died Tuesday from cancer. I am sad for his family but happy that he was set free from his body. He was in so much pain. I am praying for their family. I felt very moved by some things that happened at our Sunday meeting. Just feeling very struck by a sorrow that seemed just below the surface for nearly everyone. The forced smiles and chit chat seemed to be covering up a lot of pain. I wanted to just hug everyone and tell them it was going to be ok, but that might have been awkward. All around me my friends are very sad. Is it the weather? I am not sure but I feel like I do not know how to help them.

I am tired and sick sometimes but usually I am not very sad. Much of the time it is easy for me to laugh and enjoy myself. I sing and dance with the baby. I have fun with Kelly and the kids. Often if I cry it is likely that something sweet and endearing happened. It is easy for me to get over things. I am over all the bad stuff let’s move on. Move on is my middle name. Thanks to my loving supportive friends. I have been blessed by all of you.

Friday I went to see Ed for acupuncture. He asked how I have been doing emotionally. And even though I felt fine most of the time I replied melancholy. I was tired and felt like my insides were shaking. He proceeded to hurt me/heal me for 20 minutes. After the needles were in place,I laid on the table listening to the rain pour down. Then hunger crept on me while I laid there. This is always interesting to me. How come acupuncture works so well and so fast? Sometimes people ask me how it works. I don’t know…something about Chi. But thousands of years of use can’t be for nothing. When I was at the Corsets event people told me how good I looked. I was tired but very happy. I did not really feel sick at all. I am not unhappy or on the verge of tears. And I feel good today too. I love Ed!!!

Next week is another chemo week. I am not really dreading it . My chemo will be restored to the original dosage. It is what my oncologist thought best. Only time will tell how I will react to the chemo. We’ll see. By for now. Thanks for being here, Andrea

4 Responses to “Chemotional”

  1. Donna Arnold says:

    Hi Dear sweet Andrea:
    You are making great strides……you really are!!!! Its awesome to make this walk with you….thru your blogs. Love your ‘tude, too!!!!! Rock on…..
    Cathy got her new drugs a couple days ago…she is taking the “horsepills” twice a day on one kind and once a day on the other one. So far, so good, as for not having any ill side effects. We will get bloodwork done next week to see how things look…..she is such an amazing gal…she has been so upbeat, so positive, never once complaining, nor feeling sorry for herself. She is a super person….you two would be great friends….
    We send you warm light and peace……the SC gals….Donna & Cathy

  2. debi says:

    I always feel a bit like I snuck in the backdoor of the theator if I read you and leave no reply. I just never feel like my reply can be a decent trade off for having the chance to read you. LOve the old pic of you and Ig. You are a woman with a story to tell. I love to be able to read little pieces of you and your life. LOve you Andrea. i am still praying for God to send you a dryer

  3. joshua says:

    any time you want to sope…

  4. jenni bender says:

    andrea, it’s been a very crazy week and knowing you and kelly are praying and are there definitely helps me a lot. i feel very blessed to have you in my life. i hope that you are feeling well and i just really wanted to thank you for all of the insight, knowledge and support that you have given me during this battle of my father’s. you have helped me in a way no one else did or could. i will carry that for the rest of my life.

    i’d like to see you very soon. please let me know when is good. i love you. xo