Live it up


It was a very busy week. Mostly I just tried to take advantage of my off week from chemo. Wednesday Jess and I went to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the art museum. We had an amazing time. The paintings were so beautiful. It was nice to have some time alone with him. Afterwards we had lunch in the museum restaurant. A lovely and over priced lunch. Life is short….right? He and I had a very nice time. We talked about Frida and her art. I felt very happy to have the energy to do the exhibit.

Thursday we had our appointment with Dr. Demichelle. I asked her about three alternative therapies/procedures. Two she had experience with and totally rejected. But she was very open about an ongoing study at M.D. Anderson in Houston. They are doing stem cell replacement. My Dr. knows the researechers involved and said she will email them for me. Also although my insurance company initially rejected my request for a ct scan in 6 weeks (instead of 12) they in fact changed their minds. I will be scanned the day after I return from Santa Fe. I am looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. She felt my neck and said my cancer felt no bigger and no smaller. She felt my liver and said it was not enlarged. And the skin on my chest is no better and no worse. All of that is just fine. I am trying to just do this one day at a time.

I am living it up while I can. I have 2 weddings this month. Two vacations as well. Kelly and I spent some time getting a few new games and toys for the shore vacation. We are looking forward that special time. Kelly told me to beware that I not put a lot of “expectations” on the kids. I am so good at having grand expectations of everyone and then being let down. I think I just want to see my children and enjoy their company.

My blood sugar is coming down slowly. I am getting used to this whole business of needles,alcohol wipes, and sugar checks. It is very intimidating to be surrounded by so much medicine. All my oral chemo and pain medication. Usually I don’t need pain meds. But since my operation I have had a bad pain in my shoulder. I have rubbed it a million times. Acupuncture. I make everyone rub it. I decided to use our chair massager on in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep. I leaned on it for over an hour. Now I have two huge bruises on my back. Big red streaks. Crazy. And I am still in pain. I lost a lot of sleep last night. It is all I can do to keep typing. This morning Gina and I took Clay to a lovely playground. She chased him while I tried to write profound and important things in Alec’s journal. I am attempting to do a lot of serious writing for my children. Words of wisdom. Answering questions. It is kind of difficult because I feel like I do not want to write the wrong thing. I want it to be perfect. Although I am sure that is not possible. I want to tell him everything I know and at the same time point him toward God.

I am just making the best of this feel good time. Happy to not be on harder meds. I may be over doing it a bit as well. Which is kind of how I roll. I do everything while I feel well enough to do it. I think there is not a procrastinating bone in my cancer ridden body. It is all carpe diem. Today the kids had half a day of school. They are happy and energetic. I am sleepy. But I am thrilled to have this day. And the most beautiful weather! I retract my statement about bad weather round here. It has been in the high 60s to 70s. Each day has been a gift.

10 Responses to “Live it up”

  1. Renee Khan says:

    You are a gift Andrea.

    Love Renee

  2. Kelly in Berkeley says:

    Oh, Santa Fe! What a beautiful town! If you’re up to eating, you must visit the Tecolote Cafe when you are there, for the most delicious mexican food in the world. The Cowgirl Hall of Fame restaurant seems right up your alley, too. The churches are incredible. Even if you’re just doing basic stuff, I heartily recommend Santa Fe. A little weird, a little conflicted, but really wonderful.

  3. Toni G says:

    where did I miss the part about you going to “Santa Fe” ?????? It is a mystical, often magical town and there you will learn that in Indian Art (especially woven rugs) the villagers always make a tiny mistake in the weaving and why? Because we humans are not PERFECT only G-d is perfect so this is their way of honoring that concept. Sooooooo just write what is deeply felt in your heart and soul… will be enough. Like we Jews repeat at this holiday of Passover— Dayenu (it is enough) .

    Shep and I will be home May 5th and hope to catch up with you.

  4. Wendy says:

    Yay for Toni’s comment. Only God is perfect. Ask Him what He would have you tell your children. I think the time and love you are pouring into writing is a gift unto itself. Don’t worry. The right words will come. God will prompt them to read those words at just the right time for them. I love you and hope you have a special vacation with the family.

  5. leah says:

    you have such wisdom in your words and your views of life, anything you write to your children will be perfectly fine!
    maybe even make a video to each of them as well that would cool.
    anything you do will great.
    i love you! have a great vacation(s)

  6. Donna Arnold says:

    Hey Chicky:
    I missed the “Sante Fe” trip post as well……:)
    When are you going…is it for you & hubby? I would love to see NM…
    Glad things are semi “routine” for you…sounds like you have a handle on most of it…great job on the diabetic efforts as well…..:)
    You are such an amazing mom…those kids must just beam at any mention of your name or sight of you….they DO and WILL cherish whatever it is you write, video, or send them…always…
    I , too, loved Toni’s explanation..she was so right on….
    Those blankets must be have to go see and share with all of us…
    Rock on baby!!!! Donna in SC

  7. Andrea says:

    I decided to visit my dear friend Naomi. She is Ori’s mom. And I just love her so much. She lives in Santa Fe. I thought it was a now or never thing. I leave on the 7th of May for a week by myself. I am very excited. I amtrying to pack in a lot of fun while I can.

  8. Donna Arnold says:

    Oh, ok, seems like I recall something about that now….lol….2 brain cells left and they don’t always fire so well…lol
    This will be an opportunity for you……to have some quality time with your friend…and it will be a good spirit renewal time for you. I am sure Naomi and you will share some memorable times….that is awesome….I am so happy for you!!! 🙂
    Love you, Andrea….:)

  9. the other naomi says:

    i’m so sad you’re in pain, but glad that you and jesse got some time at the museum.
    i love you babe

  10. joshua says:

    YOU are a gift