The time it is a wastin’


So as of today, I have exactly 20 days before I move in to my college dorm…and needless to say I’m really excited. Is it weird that I’m not nervous at all? I guess I’m just ready for some change in my life…

So I guess the point of this post is to…I don’t know…hmm…Well, I guess I can talk about Saturday. So on Saturday, Kelly and I went to the Download Festival at the Susquehanna Bank Center (it should be called SBC…Susquehanna Bank Center is to long to say). The Stooges played, but The Killers were the headliners….probably because they get a bigger draw. Iggy was awesome! At 61 he is still a god! I was so excited, screaming the words to No Fun, 1969, Search and Destroy, and I Wanna Be Your Dog. I realized how much my mom would have loved to be there, screaming the words with me. It made me really miss her. Sometimes it feels like she’s not really gone, she just went on vacation and she will be back in a day or two, but she never does. The next couple of months are gonna be hard. I’ve never been on my own without my mom being a phone call away to help me. I’m not nervous about college, I’m nervous about going to college and not having my mother to call when I’m homesick or want someone to cheer me up the way only a mother can.

It really sucks sometimes, my friends (the friends who are my age) try to act like they know what I’m going through, but you can’t understand this pain unless you experienced it first hand (with the exception of one of my friends who did lose her mother). And even if you understand, it’s still impossible to help. This pain is too real and painful.

Before my mother died she got a bunch of notebooks for each one of my siblings and I and started to write stories in them about when we were little. She wrote our medical history, she wrote what she wanted us to accomplish in our lives. Things like happiness, a good marriage, kids, etc.. But she also wrote what we needed to realize. The one thing that is reverberating in my skull now is what she would always tell me when I was had a bad case of depression: “You are strong, kind, intelligent and truly LOVABLE. You are deserving of all good things”. She was the only person in my life who could make me feel like that was true…I miss you Mom

31 Responses to “The time it is a wastin’”

  1. Veronica says:

    Alec, tears fill my heart and eyes as I type this. I have never posted before as I feel like I am intruding with no comprehension of what you have all been through. I am however compeled to comment on your post.
    I am a mother of boys 14 and 17 and in my third year at university here in Australia. The ache you must feel is the same ache I am sure your mum would have had knowing she wouldn’t have been there for those exact things you mentioned. Her bond seems to have been so strong for her loved ones though, I am sure that it will come through when you most need it. Believe that you are lovable, believe in her belief in you! I am sure she smiles on you and will be guiding you in your time of need – just look for the signs. Many mothers are willing you positive vibes after reading your post – I am sure.
    Veronica xo

  2. Andrea B says:

    You painted a wonderful picture of your mother with your post, and it is clear why you would miss her so much. Not everyone’s mom is cool enough to go to a concert with, and can turn around and also give such very wise advice. Your mother was a special woman and she clearly saw so much that is special in you too. I can tell from your post that she is right, you are strong, kind, intelligent and lovable. I hope that in your moments of sadness her words will give you strength. Good luck in college. I have a feeling that there will be an angel watching over your shoulder.

    Andrea B.

  3. Tess Collins says:

    Very well written because in the end when you are having a hard time just remember her words, “You are strong, kind, intelligent and truly LOVABLE. You are deserving of all good things”. That is something all should live by. Congrats and Good Luck with college!

  4. deezee says:

    I wish I could match the poignancy of your words in this comment, but that’s impossible. Your mom would be proud. Happy travels to college.

  5. Nat says:

    You do deserve all that. And you do her proud. 🙂

  6. Deb says:

    Alec….we don’t know each other but I wanted to let you know that I DO know how you feel….I lost my mom – my very best friend – last year. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her, miss her and most often the desire to tell her things is just an ache that is almost physical. So I do tell her….I talk to her like she can hear me (of course not when anyone else can hear, otherwise I’d be put in a rubber room!). I always, always feel better after I “talk” to her and I do think she hears me and I always imagine what her response would be. You will always miss her, but the raw pain does ease ever so slowly and after awhile when you think of her a smile will come to your face instead of a tear.
    I’m much older than you – I’m 53 – but losing your mom is losing your mom no matter how old you are. I’ve also lost my dad and my only sibling – my sister, so I want to tell you that you are lucky to have your brothers and sister and family….cherish them! You’re also very lucky to have the notebooks – what a wonderful thing for her to do.
    Just remember that she is always with you, for it is HER blood that flows through your heart.
    Best of luck at college!

    Deb in AZ

  7. Melinda says:

    The fact that you know Iggy and you know he’s a GOD proves, without a doubt, that your momma raised you right…
    You’ll soon discover that YOUR voice is HER legacy – use it well, as you have done today…

  8. elesha says:

    Belive her shes so right and mums always know best. She would be so proud of your words be strong
    Elesha in Australia

  9. shari says:

    You have just proved by this post that you mom is with you and has done a wonderful job raising a wonderful kid! I know you will be sad because your mom is not here physically, but she is standing next to you cheering you on! You have so many people all over the world who read this blog cheering for you too. You are wise beyond your years. I have a three year old and I didn’t know your mom but if I can instill 1/4 into my son what your mom instilled into you and your siblings I will be lucky. You ARE deserving of all good things, and good things are going to come your way, your mom is now your angel and she will make sure of it! You have so much that lies ahead of you, you can be whoever you want and do whatever you want. Your mom prepared you the best way she could. You have confidence, self esteem and are about to get an awesome education. Good luck to you, please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing. My prayers are with you and your family everyday.

  10. Rachael says:

    What a beautiful and amazing tribute to your Mom. Really wonderful. Your mom would be so proud of you.

  11. Michelle Wienke says:


    There are so many, like me, keeping all of you in our thoughts and prayers each day-You will succeed in college and do whatever you want in your life. College life is great-but you already know that-your mom was a wonderful testament to what drive and determination could do-and I have no doubt that she has instilled EVERY THING you need to be successful! No doubt whatsoever! I too, like your mom am an adult learner, and will graduate in May, and my own kids (14 & 16) are better for having seen how much you can accomplish if you put your mind to it!

    Kelly and your tight safety net will always be there for you, and all of your siblings-you will make new friends, and your mom blogged how she KNEW you could accomplish anything you put your mind to!

    If I remember correctly, you will be in Rochester-keep my email handy- I would be happy to help in whatever way I can to make sure that your critical first semester is successful. Do not doubt for one instant, that your mom is not with you every minute of every day-watching over you, loving you and cheering you on-one of my favorite quotes-The two most important things we can give our children-one is roots, the other wings.

    You are ready to soar!!!
    With love and Blessings-

  12. Renee Khan says:


    You are truly lovable. There is no doubt about that.

    You will always miss your Mom, nothing will change that. Your Mom said that you are truly lovable and nothing will change that either.

    I wish you the best of luck in college Alec.

    Love Renee

  13. Roads says:

    How wonderful to have your Mum’s wise words of advice written down to remember and refer to always. I’m sure you’ll make sure to live by them – that’s so much more than most of us do.

    Spirits up, and all best wishes from London.

  14. JenniferG says:

    I’m 36 and lost my Mom in March. Although I was able to have more years with her then you did with your Mom I still have the feeling that she’s not really gone and just went to the store or something.
    Losing your Mom is hard.
    Thank God that you have her words of encourangement to fall back on when things get tough.
    Always remember how special you are not matter what.
    Best of Luck in College, enjoy the new venture in your life and always treasure the past.
    Jennifer (NY)

  15. Stacy S. says:

    Alec, you are a truely amazing man! Your mom is proud of you! She’s looking over you from up above and with you at all times I am sure. Keep your chin up. Things are hard, I can only imagine, but you are strong! Live the life she wanted you to live…remember her words!

  16. Carrie says:

    Hey Alec,

    Thanks for writing this. I too lost my mom to breast cancer, 20 years ago when I was a kid. I found your mom’s blog just a few days ago, and it’s been a big, sad and happy wow reading it. It’s such a gift that your mom left to you and your family, and also to all of us strangers out here in blogland. I wish I had found it while your mom was still alive so I could thank her for it personally – I would have because I know how much I would have cherished having something like this from my own mom.
    Peace to you and yours and all the best for your next big adventure.

  17. Randi says:

    Alec, My mother is still alive, but my grandmother passed last year. She was like my mom. She was the only one who actually GOT me, ya know? I know this doesn’t help, but there are people who know how you feel, and you know what else I know? MOMS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. So if your mom said that you’re lovable, she wasn’t lying.

  18. Denise says:

    Heh Alec,

    What a beautiful tribute to your mother. I didn’t know her either but she has inspired so many with her story. I too have br. cancer and hope that I will be here to raise my eleven year old twin boys, but I know in my heart that they will live on to honour me.

    Meanwhile, I hope I live for many years to come, and if you ever feel like visiting us up here in Ontario, you are welcome anytime. We have plenty of room here in our home to share with you.

    Best wishes with school Alec.

  19. Maura says:

    All I can say is wow. You are amazing and I’m sure you miss your mom terribly.
    I know exactly what you mean about the whole thing not seeming real. I lost my mom very unexpectedly several years ago. To this day, I still feel like she is away on a business trip & one day I’ll get a knock on the door. Deep down I know she is gone and that is the reality. It’s never easy to lose a parent or any loved one for that matter.
    As time goes on it will be easier. You are all very lucky that your mom did so many special “little” things that you’ll always have those to look forward to. Her words of encouragement
    will be with you forever.
    You are also so very lucky to have a Kelly in your lives. In my past experiences, most other men in his position would have bolted.
    Good luck with school young man. I’m sure you’ll do great and always remember that your mom will be looking over your shoulder.

  20. Ruthie says:

    Those memories of your mom and those reverberations will keep you going. Hold onto them, write them down and never forget them. You will always feel her love, and you can always talk to her. It sounds as if you knew her so well that you could carry on both sides of the conversation ….you know the comforting words that your mom would tell you…not to sweat the small stuff, nothing is always as bad as it seems, tomorrow is a new day, “You are strong, kind, intelligent and truly LOVABLE. You are deserving of all good things”.
    Ruthie from California

  21. Aja Beech says:

    Alec! You ARE so LOVABLE!
    Thank you for opening up to all of us about what’s going on with you right now. Its seems as if you are working on yourself and putting yourself out there- and that is a very healthy way of dealing with everything you’ve been going through for the past year. And its ok to feel like no one gets it right now, just remember to stay open and honest about your feelings. If you can continue to do that you are sure to find someone that can be truly empathetic to you.
    You are about to meet a whole new community of people, who knows what’s in store?! I feel all of the wonderful things your mom wants for you in your life are not far off. . . 20 days until a new begining.
    much love and peace

  22. MichelleD says:

    I just stumbled on this site, and your words remind me of ones that I wrote almost exactly 10 years ago. I was 17 when my mom died. Just before my senior year of high school. The hardest thing for me was not being able to pick up the phone and call her. When I went away to college, it was hard to not have my mom a phone call away. And it really really felt like no one else could ever understand…sometimes it still does, even 11 years later.
    ~Michelle, daughter of Cynthia

  23. Elizabeth Gallacher says:

    hey Alec, Haven’t talked to you in a long long while, but I just wanted to post a little message that I was thinking of you and miss you. I’m excited for you that you are going to college. I believe It is going to be a great experience for you, and just make the most of it, because it goes by in a flash! You are gonna have tons of fun. I remember when I lost my dad. I was 18. now I’m 24. It seems like just yesterday to me, but at the same time it seems like a lifetime ago. And the only advice I can give in that regards is that, sometimes you feel like you are finally done grieving and you can live your life, but then you see something that reminds you about how must you loved that person and it all floods back, but soon you learn that feeling sad sometimes is okay and normal, but just don’t be sad all the time. And as time goes by, those moments get further apart. Wow, writing these thoughts down, is really therapeutic!! Maybe I should start a blog. I wouldn’t be nearly as eloquent as your mom, but it sure helps to free your mind of all your thoughts. haha, you mom was a smart lady, getting you all to start journals and doing this blog thing to help release all these emotions. Well, I hope you enjoy college and learn a lot. With love from your long lost cousin in Waldorf, Elizabeth (Liz)

  24. Linda Conley Soffer says:


    There is so much wisdom in this blog, both in your post and in the comments from the readers. Thank you for sharing your experiences, and for being open to this community of support that loves and cares for you. You are at the end of a very difficult chapter in your life, and at the beginning of an exciting new experience that will lead you further on your path to becoming the person that your mother always saw in you. Best of luck to you. Love yourself, keep your heart open to others, and keep on rockin’ !!!!

  25. jacquie says:


    you sound wise beyond your age. your mom sounded so cool. i am sure she is with you in spirit as you go off to college. like you say exciting but scary as she is not a phone call away. i am sorry you have to do it without her as she no doubt was your biggest supporter and a mom is someone too hard to get over. good luck with college and thanks for sharing with us.


  26. Alec,

    I have seen you ‘in action’ navigating through the myriad of people and events before and after your Mom left. I suspect she knew exactly what you were capable of and turned her attention to the younger children.
    Yes, college will be a completely different environment (perhaps not with all the personalities in your house) but the only thing you need to focus on is learn the rules, the schedules & the routes. Your intellect and personality will surface………just make whatever space you occupy, both physically and emotionally, your own.

    You will be able to, and should, create your own private corner of remembrance dedicated to Andrea and the path she took in this world. Life thwarted her plans but she would have plowed ahead in her own fashion, as you must do. Confidence in yourself will be stronger and stronger when your personal course of action takes shape………and it’s okay to retreat to that crazy circle of people called family. They’ll bring you back— that’s for sure. And never forget how important you are to the gears that make it function.

    I’m sure there are many of us out here who have taken your family to our hearts & would welcome a call from you when a Mommy’ism is needed………..may not be delivered in her colorful language but don’t hesitate.

    David & I will see you all next week to deliver the external dvd.

    You’re gonna be okay Alec…….trust in yourself. We do.

    Love, Toni

  27. Tracey says:

    Hi Alec – I read your post and my heart was sad for you. I buried my mom in November 2006. It’s still hard – I think of her each day. I also lost my mom to breast cancer and the biggest challenge for me is remembering her the way she would want to be remembered – healthy and strong. It’s not easy when the last memory I have of my mom is one of her being sick. I keep pictures of her out of when she was healthy and we talk often about the good times we had together. Keep strong and share lots with your family. She is watching over you and will help guide you to a happy life. Good luck in college!

    God Bless,

  28. Katy Widrick says:


    I just wanted to pass on my deepest sympathies for your loss — I stumbled onto your blog and only meant to spend a few minutes reading the posts, and I got lost in them for nearly an hour! You are all amazing for keeping your mom’s story alive, and letting the world know what an amazing person she was.

    I found your blog while looking up resources for breast cancer patients, and thought you might be interested in a woman who’s taken a pretty unique path in her own cancer battle. Meg Gaffney is a nurse, and when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she decided to skip chemotherapy and radiation, and go right to a bilateral mastectomy. But when her plastic surgeon recommended a skin graft surgery to build up new nipples, she decided to incorporate art into her own personal healing process.

    For Meg, that means getting nipples tattooed onto her body instead of the graft surgery, and now — after months of searching for an artist willing to take on her challenge — she’s about to get the work done!

    We’re 8 parts into a documentary on Meg, which is featured on I’d love for you to check it out and let me know what you think!

    Meg is dynamic, creative, and completely committed to ridding the world of cancer, and her spirit is contagious.

    Thanks for your time, and best of luck in your own journey!

    Katy Widrick
    Executive Producer,

  29. bonnie says:

    Alec, your words touched my heart. As I read them I could see your mom telling me that you got accepted and my kid is gonna move moutains. THIS IS TRUE. Be loveable and all will come to you, I’m sure it is hard to leave you heart open when you are filled with so much pain but your mother is always with you, if ever a doubt loke in the mirror you will see her eyes looking back at you. Good luck at college its an exciting time. Be the best person you can be! She taught you all you need now is chance to share that with the rest of the word. Peace to you and the rest of the family.

  30. Christine says:

    I wish you the best of luck in college. Your mom, did some wonderful things for all of you, she really cared, and wanted to have that caring spread to you when she went to Heaven. I kinow it is hard, to lose your mom, I lost my mom, 10 years ago, and even though I was almost 30, it was so hard to not pick up the phone, and share her first grandbaby’s first smile, first roll and every first. I would find myself thinking, I need to call my mom…then, remembering she wasn’t physically there…then, I remembered that she was watching me from Heaven, and that she was in a better place, and was our guardian angel.
    So, when you start college, you will start with a guardian angel over your shoulder, your heart full of your mother’s love, and a wonderful mind to learn new and exciting things! I didn’t know your mom, but, her blogs have really inspired me, to be a better mom…you were so lucky to have such a wonderful role model!

  31. Monica C says:

    You are amazing! You have brought me to tears with this blog. I lost my father 15 years ago and I remember feeling the same pain you are describing. There is really nothing that anybody will ever say that will truly comfort you. As long as you remember who your mom was and how much she loved you you’ll be okay. Times will be hard for a long time but one day you will be able to talk about her without crying. I wish you all the best!