
Andrea’s memorial and a private party at Tattooed Moms happened today. I will write more about this later, but for now I wanted to post the eulogy that I paraphrased today at her memorial.
Hello friends. Welcome. I need to take a moment speak for Andrea and thank you. This is her farewell, as she planned it and I don’t doubt that she is here smiling upon all of you.
Ephesians 2:8-10
8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. 10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
I don’t crack a bible nearly as often as I should, and when I read this I wept. These words spoke to me because I cannot think of a verse that more accurately embodies Andrea’s story. I believe that god spoke though her to many in an organic relational way that allowed them to see the beauty within her soul. Her spirit was so much larger than life that even in dying she gave strength to those around her.
Those of you that know me will tell you that as far as the women go I have a type. That said they will probably also agree with me when I say when I saw her outside the bean on south street, I didn’t stand a chance. After a 5 minute conversation about nothing much, I thought about her non stop for days. Fortunately God (or was it Fran) handed me her number and I soon found out that she had been equally rocked. We talked on into the night (7 hours to be exact) and I fell deeper and deeper in awe of this woman. Over the years She has become, my lover, my partner, my best friend and most worthy adversary, my student and my teacher, and the mother of my son. Though I wanted so badly to grow old together and enjoy what John waters refers to as our Autumn years together, I will try not to be greedy, for God has spoken volumes to me through Andrea and my cup will remain full with her love and memory for years to come. The last thing Andrea taught me was the true essence of love between a man and a woman. Cancer is not pretty, It consumed the things I was originally attracted to, Pain meds are not kind, they provide relief but take away clarity, in the end looking into her eyes was my only solace, and that was enough. I know love and I am blessed.
It is impossible to think about Andrea without thinking about motherhood. It seems that almost everyone from the Philly punk scene days has a nick name and she was frequently spoken of as Andrea with all the kids. These days she is known to thousands as the punk rock mommy. Andrea was always on when it came to being a mommy. I remember her seeing a crying child sitting alone in pendot. She walks over to the child and says where’s your mommy? The child keeps crying. She says do you want me to pick you up? The little boy nods yes. The mother soon returns holding a newborn and grateful to Andrea for calming her child. I remember thinking that if I did that I’d probably get arrested. Andrea honed here unique style of outside the box parenting over the years and loves to talk shop with other parents. She liked to say she was raising productive members of the revolution. I probably shouldn’t speak for Tony, but I will, in saying that being a mother is work and being a great mother to some of the most amazing kids that most folks will ever meet is a full time job and I think we are both proud to have been a part of that. Financing a small army isn’t always easy. Parenting beside Andrea for the last four years have been the best times of my life. They have been years filled will laughter and amazement. She taught me how to do this and it is my honor to carry the torch for her and continue raising them as she would. Keeping promises I made to her and respecting her wishes for them. Alec Jesse Asa Tucker Bailey and Clayton, You may not know this but I fell in love with you guys at first sight too.
Andrea was diagnosed with cancer the day after she finished up her BA at Temple. She was diagnosed with stage three inflammatory breast cancer (which is a rare and aggressive form of hormone driven cancer). After the first round of scans her prognosis was changed to stage four or terminal. Andrea accepted this with little self pity and went about the work of fighting her cancer if only to have a little longer with the kids and I. It took me a little while longer to come to peace with the thought of losing my wife. Andrea spent the next three months on a toxic cocktail that made her ill most of the time. I spent that time withdrawn and terrified of getting my heart broken. It was beautiful watching the loving and smart way she broke the news to the kids, always the mother always the teacher she launched into the perfect unrehearsed lesson plan kind of like mommies dying of cancer 101. It was amazing to watch, who does that? Andrea approached her disease with a level of acceptance and measure of grace which I can only view as gods light shining through. She started a blog with spiritual overtones that touched and inspired thousands. She pulled herself out of her nauseous comatose state to go to fund raisers and other cancer related events taking the time to thank and embrace her friends. Bands broken up for years even reformed in her honor (if only for one night). She received quite a bit of press both in news papers across the nation, and radio and television interviews. I frequently teased her that she had celebrity cancer. She walked into chemo with her spirits bright and her head held high while it seemed that some of those around her felt dead already. I began to look forward to chemo day as well because it became like a date for us. Andrea played what we began to call the C card hard fast and often when it came to her children. She made the right connections to get her children into amazing schools and made sure they would be well taken care of. I could go on and on but my point is that Andrea turned this tragedy into a gift and gave it to all of us. Her spirit was so strong that sometimes it was hard to believe she was sick at all. Cancer may have killed her, but still did not defeat her as she lived and laughed and loved till the day she died.