"Have a wonderful life. I will have a wonderful afterlife."

I Never Meant to Break Your Heart

March 14, 2008

In the last several weeks from various sources people have said to me, “I can’t/don’t read your blog anymore, it is too depressing.” I am not sure what to think about that. I go back to my original basis for writing it. I just wanted to inform my loved ones of what was happening with my treatment. It developed into what was happening with my children, my emotions, my adjustments to all the heaviness that is cancer. I went back and read some old entries. Some are very depressing. Mostly because it is a pretty intense thing to go through. But some of it is uplifting and positive. Ultimately, it is honest. And as sorry as I was to hear people can not bear to read my words…. too bad this is the truth. I have cancer, I am in treatment, and I am trying to live out each day despite that. Or maybe because of it.

So tonight may be filled with inactivity like watching television episodes on the computer. Or possibly a friend or two may visit. In my routine cancer world I have a few good days to look forward to. Most of the time I am a bit tired. I am even physically a bit weak. Sometimes I feel sad. But more often I am pretty darn happy to just be alive. This is my cancer life. It is not that scary or sad to me. I apologize to those of you who cry while you read this. I am not trying to break your heart.